natural remedies

Well I had my 1st round of chemo and it was pure hell.

I went in on Oct 9th at 7am and had my port placed. When I had my 1st one placed they put me out. They also placed it on my left side and higher up. I was awake for it this time, it was put in on my right side and lower than my other one. It was a really weird feeling being awake for it. I was a little nervous to be awake but they gave me "comfort" drugs and would talk to me during the surgery. I could feel the needles going in but I didn't really care, I was just so sleepy. I remember them talking to me, telling me what they were doing and I would respond with okay. When they were done I went into the recovery room for a little while to wake up. They said okay when you're ready they're waiting upstairs for you. I had to prep myself for it. I would've been way more nervous had I not been so sleepy :-) Guess that was the plus side of doing chemo right after surgery.

Bran came with me to the surgery and then my mom met up with us later in the chemo room. Bran had school so he took off later. I felt pretty good once they started chemo. My good friend Erica works in the building so she brought me some yogurt...tasted amazing...I tried to eat a protein bar and drink fluids but as soon as the chemo starts going in my appetite goes away. I hate it. I once again pee'd every hour while being infused. Last time the side effects that started right away were my neuropathy, when I would touch cold things and cold water on my hands, it stung. This time my body was titching. It started in my face and tongue, then moved to my chest (felt super weird) and then moved to my sides and stomach. It never went lower than that. Once chemo was done, I got my pump put on. That pump is so stinkin annoying! It's loud and inconvenient. Anyways, right before we left Erica brought me some potatoes, but I wasn't really hungry. They sounded and smelled delicious. We were on our way out so I didn't eat any right away. As we were walking out Erica says, are you feeling okay you look a little green. I said I feel so nauseous. So she grabbed the nurse and they gave me some zofran. It helped quite a bit. On the way home, I slowly ate the potatoes. When we got home I just tried to nap. My mom had to go run a few errands so it was just my sister Toree and I hangin home. Soon after my mom left (about an 1 1/2 hrs after we got home) I got super nauseous again. Erica told me a trick, to run cooler water over your hands. So I gave it a try. It seemed to work. But I couldn't stand very long, I was so tired. I sat there at the kitchen sink crying. I was so sick of being nauseous already. It started setting in. I couldn't believe this was happening again. This time I was crazy nauseous. Last time my neuropathy was what kicked in really bad. So this time it was a completely different feeling. I personally would take pain over being nauseous. I sat under the water for about 5 mins and felt better. I shut off the water and dried my hands off. As soon as I started walking away it hit hard. I booked it to the bathroom. And there I sat by the toilet barfing everything I ate that day. The remainder of the day went like this...throw up, drink as much water as possible, eat if at all possible (which wasn't much at all), take something for nausea, fall asleep for about an hour to 1 1/2 hours, wake up and do that all over again. I couldn't keep anything down. I have never been so sick in my life. I just wanted to sleep too, and I couldn't. It was hellish and awful and I hated every minute of it. The only time I got off the couch was to pee...which wasn't too often since my body would retain what it could and then I threw up the rest. I then took phenergan and lots of melatonin and Bran and I prayed I could sleep and not throw up anymore for the night. My prayers were answered. I slept pretty good. I remember waking up to pee during the night since my pump was still being infused. Bran was a champ. I was very weak and barely made it to the bathroom so he would help me up and sit at my feet and tell me how awesome I was and that I was gonna make it through (as I was puking...not peeing haha). He would rub my back until I fell asleep, he would jump up and grab puke bags, and help me drink my water and make sure I was getting my nausea meds down. He couldn't have been more awesome!

The next morning I had my PET scan in (friggen) Ogden at 9am. I was so scared I was going to be puking all night, all the way up, all over their tables and all the way home. I was so scared I was going to be so weak I wouldn't be able to even get up. But like I said our prayer was answered. I got sleep, woke up feeling very sick but never through up. My friend Sabrina drove me up there. I slept the whole way up. That was nice cause that's a long drive. Once I was there they gave me this huge cup of something that made me radio active (cue Imagine Dragons song now) and taste like crap. I drank what I could but I was nauseous and didn't want to throw the small amount I drank up. Once we were done, we headed home. Once again slept the whole way home. For the next 5-6 days I was on the couch. Only got up to pee. I didn't throw up hallelujah!!! But had the horrible feeling that I needed to. Whenever I got into a comfortable position on the couch and my stomach settled I didn't move. Any kind of movement made me wanna barf. The poor dogs just wanted to snuggle. And poor Bran didn't have a wife. I drank more than I ate. For some reason this time around I was craving frozen waffles. (Last time it was McDonalds cheeseburgers). Those waffles saved me! I had a few visitors but couldn't even get up, and I didn't even feel like talking...that even made me want to throw up. So miserable. I missed lots of phone calls due to this. I didn't really even feel like texting. I kinda ignored everyone for a week. I was just so sick and tired. Once I started feeling better I started texting back and eventually calling people. Just want to say thank you again to those that prayed for me, sent words of love and encouragement, those that called, texted, left fb messages and brought dinners over etc. They truly meant so much to Bran and I. I got my PET scan results back in, there is a spot on my left side but no mass. The Dr says he's not certain it's cancer. It could be something from surgery. So I'm pretty confused...do I have cancer or not! Im sure there is microscopic cancer in there. Once I got the results I knew what I needed to do. ...I have decided to stop chemo and try natural remedies. I have never been so sick in my life. I was already under weight going into chemo and I couldn't keep anything down and had a hard time eating. There was no way I could work 64 hours in two weeks. I don't see the quality of life when you're so sick. I was down for like 8-9 days then I wouldve gotten better for a few days and then do it again. I could keep going on and on about my reasons but I won't. I know some people will agree with this decision and some people won't. And that's okay. I have to do what's best for my body. It's scary to think that my cancer is aggressive and could start growing again. But I have faith that this is what I need to do. At this point, I am juicing everyday, eating organic and trying to find a Dr who will help me out. The problem is most of them don't take insurance...ew. Its hard to think I can't really eat out, eat my favorite sugary treats and just eat whatever I want. I know in the long run this is a better thing to be doing for my body but I'm gonna miss cupcakes. I'll be talking to a few people this week who were diagnosed and went the natural route, and hopefully get some answers about what to do. If you have any Dr recommendations please let me know. If you have any helpful tips about juicing, eating organic and growing wheat grass please let me know. I have a check up in 3 months...please direct your prayers that this route will be successful cause I REALLY don't want to do chemo EVER again. On the other hand, I'm feeling great! I have been eating great and taking my "cancer won't grow back" pills. Still not ready to go pump some iron at the gym but feeling MUCH better than I was.

To quote nacho libre "my life is good, real good"